Christian Psychology News

by Don Sizemore, LCSW

David Benner in Surrender to Love makes a profoundly simple and true assertion: “Genuine transformation requires vulnerability”. This captures the challenge of my daily work with individuals, especially couples. Those individuals who struggle with being vulnerable are very difficult to help. Being vulnerable means “to be without adequate protection and open to physical or emotional harm” and most of us do not like that particular state of being.

There are obviously situations where we should not be vulnerable because we are around unsafe people. We need to have our guard up and be careful about what we reveal because … Read more.

Contact Info:

Don Sizemore, MSW
LCSW #KY 671
3121 Wall Street
Beaumont Center
Lexington, KY 40513
Phone: (859) 223-9345
Website: Don Sizemore & Associates
Email: Don Sizemore

by Art Pulis, Business Advocate, Wickenburg Sun*

In a town famous for both its Western heritage and its behavioral health facilities, it’s only natural for a counselor to blend the love of her equine friends into her counseling practice.

Licensed Professional Counselor Kari Froelicher has an 11-year background in professional counseling, including more than four years as a primary therapist with Remuda Ranch. For the past four years she has had her own practice housed at Healing House at 315 Apache Street.

Froelicher has had a life-long love for horses and has been riding since the age of four.

“I felt as a child, teenager, and now as an adult that riding horses is an emotionally therapeutic experience,” said Froelicher. “When I started studying counseling I realized that science confirmed what I had always known -  that horses can help to heal us emotional.”

In her private practice Froelicher works in conjunction with Wings of Grace for her private and group sessions of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP). This emerging field uses horses as a tool for emotional growth and learning. It is a collaborative effort between the licensed therapist and horse professional.

EAP helps individuals develop and improve relationships, combat fears, help establish boundaries, and can assist in the healing of abuse issues, depression, anxiety, and communication problems. Because horses - like people - are social animals, they have distinct personalities, attitudes, and moods. Consequently they often mimic human behavior and become an excellent method of learning the effects of behavior.

“I have found that people respond well to EAP and more importantly have fun with it,” continued Froelicher. “The therapy is much more fun than sitting in a room and talking and often has a more lasting and positive result. People learn in a special way with horses that they don’t by just talking, and we often find that they need fewer sessions due to the impact of the equine therapy.”

Froelicher is also known as a Christian counselor in that she uses her strong Catholic faith in God as an important tool in her practice. While she sees people from all faiths, she recognizes the power of God as an important part of healing.

“Who better to call on than the Creator of the Universe to help solve problems,” said Froelicher.

As a Licensed Professional Counselor, Froelicher helps with a broad range of issues in traditional counseling sessions in addition to EAP. Her specialties include family counseling, couples counseling, group sessions, and treatment of emotional issues including anxiety, fear, boundaries, stress, and relationship management.

*The above article was published in the Wickenburg Sun Newspaper on May 21, 2008.

Contact Info:

Kari Froelicher, MA
LPC #11730
315 Apache Street
Wickenburg, AZ 85390
Phone: (928) 232-9280
Email: Kari Froelicher
Website: Breaking Free Christian Counseling

by Don Sizemore, LCSW

For the next few days I encourage you to pay attention to what you say and how you treat those you most care about. Listen to the words you use and how you say and use them. Pay attention to the emotional state or feeling behind your words and actions. Are you feeling irritated or angry? Maybe you feel lonely or disconnected like nothing much matters. Perhaps you are joyful or light hearted and you feel like nothing could change this good mood. Or maybe you are feeling bored. There is so much more in how we communicate than necessarily what we communicate.

When something is bothering you it is very difficult to shake the bother out. It sticks with you unless you just deny what bothers you and act like it doesn’t matter. Attempting to identify and sift out emotional responses can be very difficult for some. For others it comes easily and they know exactly how they are feeling and are able to identify the feeling. This is an incredibly important skill.

In the language of attachment, this is the ability of reflection. We are able to step back and observe our emotional reactions without being consumed or controlled by them. You are then able to talk about what you are feeling with some degree of objectivity. Reflection also includes our thoughts and physical sensations. It is self awareness of our internal life and without it we are unable to understand ourselves and consequently unable to empathize and emotionally connect with someone else.

Most of us have some capacity for reflection or self awareness. Read more.

Contact Info:

Don Sizemore, MSW
LCSW #KY 671
3121 Wall Street
Beaumont Center
Lexington, KY 40513
Phone: (859) 223-9345
Website: Don Sizemore & Associates
Email: Don Sizemore

by Margaret Andem, MSW

No matter what the situation in your life, you have a choice.

Sometimes the choice is between good and bad and sometimes it’s between bad and worse, but still you have a choice in every situation.

You have a choice about what kind of parent you will be, what kind of relationship you will have, what kind of person you will be, what career you will choose, how you deal with situations that come across your path, what kind of life you will have, how successful you will be, how you live, what you believe, how you take care of yourself, how you address your health issues, how you will die (in denial, fear, dignity, gratitude, etc.).

Don’t live reactively or without thinking. Make conscious choices about everything you think, say, or do. Situations occur that our awful and out of our control, but we can choose how we deal with that and we can choose to not let the trauma and the negative control our lives, future, destiny. We can choose not to let our negative pasts pass down to our children or affect our relationships.

Life is about attitude and choice. You can choose. What will you choose?

Contact Info:

Margaret Andem, MSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker #SW8351
4396 Lafayette Street, Room 225
Marianna, FL 32446
Phone: (850) 573-2233
Website: Andem Therapy

by Kari Froelicher, MA, LPC

“Love has no room for fear; rather, perfect love casts out all fear. And since fear has to do with punishment, love is not yet perfect in one who is afraid” (1John 4:18).

If perfect love casts out fear what does the opposite do? Does fear then cast out love? How does fear distort and block one’s capacity to love?

What does St. John in the above passage mean by “fear”? This word can cause some confusion because it can have several meanings in the Scriptures. On the one hand we are told that the “fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7). What does this mean? The Hebrew word used here is “yirah” and means “awe, reverence, alarm” (Strong, 3374). The word “alarm” is interesting. Imagine a loud alarm clock going off reminding you to wake up. You might be startled by the loud noise, but grateful that you didn’t over sleep for something important. If we apply this word to our disposition toward God we realize God is trying to get our attention. Our God is a Mighty God who wakes us up from our moral slumber (“fear the Lord and turn away from evil” Proverbs 3:7; “fear God and keep His commandments” Ecclesiastes 12:13). He is also a Mighty God ready to defend us in our weakness (“fear of the Lord is a strong defense” Proverbs 14:26). This defense is the strength we need for life and without this “fear of the Lord” we are unable to sustain life. The Proverbs say it succinctly, “The fear of the Lord prolongs life” (Proverbs 10:27), and “the fear of the Lord is a fountain of life” (Proverbs 14:27).

Proverbs 8:13 shows another dimension of the “fear of the Lord”. It says that “the fear of the Lord is to hate evil”. To hate evil means that we fear the loss of God, the loss of ultimate love and happiness. The possibility of loss of God and His love brings out the reality of justice and the fact that God judges the goodness of things. Evil, being the opposite of good, must be the farthest thing from God since He is all good. Justice requires that evil be hated. It also requires that evil be farthest from God. Therefore, the action of justice is to remove evil from the sight of God. Thus, the judgment of God is really our own doing. It is like putting our hand on a hot stove. A burned hand is the natural consequence of touching a hot stove. God’s justice is the natural consequence of committing evil. Thus, evil takes us far from God.

One common thread runs through all the statements about the “fear of the Lord” in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. It is that our focus is to be on God and not our selves. Not on our own strength, our own knowledge, our own abilities, but on God and His strength, His wisdom, His honor, His Justice, His truth, His Majesty, and His love. Love is really at the center of this kind of “fear”. This is the true “fear of the Lord”.

There is another kind of fear though. In the Old Testament two of the Hebrew words that are used to express this kind of fear are “morah” and “yare” (Strong, 4172, 3372). In the New Testament two Greek words that are used are “phobos” and “deilia” (Strong, 5401, 1167). They mean to be afraid, terror, fright, dread, timidity. One word to sum up this type of fear is cowardliness. It is a lack of courage, and a lack of strength. Actually this fear is a lack of a variety of things such as: trust, hope, love, happiness, faith, wisdom, power, the ability to relate to others, and a lack of self confidence. It is the feeling that one is powerless and that harm may befall one. This can never apply to the “fear of the Lord” talked about previously because God never intends harm for us and it is God who gives strength, courage, hope, love, happiness, wisdom, faith, etc. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord… to give you a future and a hope.” God intends good for us and makes all things work out for our good (Romans 8:28). God is for us, not against us and “If God is for us, who can be against us?”(Romans 8:31). Therefore, what do we have to fear? For nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:39).

St. Alphonsus Liguori says that we are to place ourselves completely in the hands of God and then we will have nothing to fear (p. 87). This trust we are to have in God will help our love for others and for Him to grow. Without trust love will die (p. 105-106). Specialists in the field of psychology also recognize that trust and hope are tied to love. Dr. Terruwe (an eminent Thomistic Catholic psychiatrist) says that trust and hope come forth from love (p. 26-27). As most experts in the field of psychology tell us, fear blocks our ability to trust. If we fear God in this way we will not trust Him and there can be no bond of love (Powell, p. 12-13). Jesus tells us “fear is useless; what is needed is trust…” (Luke 8:50). He is speaking of the kind of fear that blocks trust, thus He also gives us the antidote which is to trust. It seems very simple and indeed it is, but simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy as we will see.

Coming back to the idea of fear being the opposite of courage and strength, let’s look at why this is important. Kreeft points out that before Pentecost the disciples lived in fear. They were afraid to speak out because of what men might do to them. The Holy Spirit brought a “life-changing power” of boldness, fearlessness, and joy (p. 110). St. Paul in his second letter to Timothy says that “the spirit of God has given us no cowardly spirit, but rather one that makes us strong, loving, and wise.” (2 Timothy 1:7). Fear and love cannot exist together (as will be talked about further later). So this spirit, this life-changing power is fearless and loving. This power is also absolutely essential to living out the Christian faith, and without it we are lost. The book of Revelation has some strong words about those who are fearful, “as for the cowards and traitors of the faith,…their lot is the fiery pool of burning sculpture, the second death” (Revelations 21:8). Cowards are equated with the traitors of the faith here and included with a list of people, such as murderers, who will not make it into the Kingdom of God. This may seem harsh to us. How can God deal with those who are fearful in such a severe manner? Before we answer this question let’s look at some of the other aspects of fear that are cast out by perfect love.

In psychologically terms fear is equated with anxiety when it is not related to a real and present danger. This anxiety tends toward irrationality of an unknown “danger” or threat (Powell, p 29; Terruwe and Baars, p. 68-70). According to the work of Drs. Terruwe and Baars emotions that are not under the rational control of the intellect and the will become repressed or control us and cause damage to our psychic life. In the mature person “reason listens respectfully to the emotions, while the will, acting upon the knowledge provided by reason, is itself spurred on and moved by the motor of the emotions.” (Terruwe and Baars, p. 239). When the emotion of fear is not under the rational control of reason and with will, it acts in the place of reason and the will. Imagine the analogy of a car. The emotions are the motor of the car, reason is the steering wheel, and the will is the driver. The car without a steering wheel and a driver can wreck havoc when the motor is turned on and allowed to be put into motion. One way we deal with this situation is to turn off the motor. That is repression. If the motor is turned off the car can’t go anywhere. Our emotional life stagnates and doesn’t progress. All the parts of having a motor, a steering wheel and driver are important and vital to a properly and safely operating car. Thus it is vitally important that we have our emotions, reason and will working together in order to be emotionally healthy.

The emotion of fear represses other emotions, such as love (although love is not strictly just an emotion), as well as the fear itself (Terruwe and Baars, p. 68-70). Baars and Terruwe have called this a “repression neurosis” which manifests itself in different ways according to the person and the circumstances. This neurosis can take the form of excessive doubt, indecisiveness, scruples, obsessions, compulsions and depression among other things (Terruwe and Baars, p. 68-70; Terruwe, p.20). It is not hard to see how love cannot survive in this sort of climate.

Let’s look at love with the same analogy we used of the car. Download the complete article here.

Contact Info:

Kari Froelicher, MA
LPC #11730
315 Apache Street
Wickenburg, AZ 85390
Phone: (928) 232-9280
Email: Kari Froelicher
Website: Breaking Free Christian Counseling

by Dr. Kevin Downing

Fallacy: If I become emotionally, spiritually and romantically involved in a courting relationship, or in marriage - it will always lead to me losing myself and becoming someone I don’t really want to be. I will have to live a false life.

Fact: Healthy dating relationships and healthy marriages enhance the person you were created to be. These relationships will champion your causes and provide support for your life dreams.

I Knew You’d Be My Therapist!

Many years ago a couple came to see me for marriage counseling. The wife crumpled down into my couch and whispered out a mumbled word or two. I’m not sure she could have been more depressed. The husband sat stiff and upright in his chair and pontificated in authoritative detail the multitude of flaws his wife possessed. He diagnosed the source of their marital problem – namely his wife’s failure to comply with his wishes. I let this go on for a few minutes and also discovered that he was involved with what appeared to be some shady business deals.

In the midst of the husbands barrage of criticism I turned to him and said, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” He fell back in his chair as if he had been found out for committing some secret crime. The wind in his sails had suddenly vanished. Perhaps he was hoping that I would help him beat his wife up. I wasn’t about to do that. He dropped out of counseling and abandoned his wife in short order. Read more.

Contact Info:

Kevin Downing, PhD
Marriage & Family Therapist #MFC20001
14943 Desman Rd.
La Mirada, CA 90638
Phone: (800) 998-6329
Email: Dr. Downing
Website: Turning Point Counseling

from Dr. Peter Robbins

I’d like to personally invite you to attend our upcoming program, The Love and Money Lab with Robbins and Downing. Dr. Downing and I will be hosting a one-hour live program at my home church, First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton. This ten-week series will begin in September on Wednesday nights (more details will follow). The intent of the evening will be to provide entertaining, enlightening, and practical information on the areas of love and money in a context of faith that is alive and real. Some of the topics that we’ll tackle, along with full audience participation, are:

• 3 Kinds of Relations: Which one are you in?
• Are you rich?
• Are you Happy? How can you know?
• Who’s your family?
• The Intersection of Money and Personality
• How’s your intimacy? With who? How deep?
• Dating: our roles - who’s supposed to do what?
• The Business of Marriage: Are you profitable?
• Selfish or Self Care: Do you know the difference?
• The Jesus Who didn’t please others - Destroying the Myth

Each of these programs are independent and self-sustaining. You’re invited to any one or all of these programs. Be sure to say “Hi” when you attend. We’d love to meet you. Stay tuned … for more details.

Contact Info:

Dr. Peter Robbins
14943 Desman Rd.
La Mirada, CA 90638
Phone: (800) 998-6329
Email: Dr. Robbins
Website: Turning Point Counseling

A graduate of Fuller Seminary, Laura Depp, MS, is experienced in working with interpersonal relationship issues, depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, marital therapy, teenagers, grief, anger management, and individuals involved in full-time ministry.

A Seasoned Counselor

Laura has experience in both individual and family counseling in a variety of settings, including Christian non-profit organizations, community mental health and the public school system. Laura has also facilitated court-ordered anger management classes and led a number of groups for teenagers.

Committed to Ministry

Laura has facilitated “Healing for Damaged Emotions” groups for women at her church, as well as providing intercessory prayer and overseeing the youth ministry program. Laura spent three years on staff with Young Life in Australia, where she engaged in outreach, discipleship, and leadership training and development. She has also provided counseling on the field to missionaries in West Africa and Southeast Asia.

A Professional Speaker

aura’s years of speaking to teens have trained her to communicate Biblical truths in an engaging way, utilizing humor, personal stories, and tangible examples. She has facilitated seminars on depression for local churches. Laura has also spoken to church leaders about loving listening, avoiding relationships pitfall, burnout and self-care. In addition to speaking engagements, Laura was involved in preaching monthly at her former church for a number of years.

Committed to Relationship

Laura values time spent with her family and is also committed to authentic Christian community through accountability relationships, prayer partnerships, and discipleship. Laura believes that as “iron sharpens iron,” it is through relationship that we become all that God has created us to be. A defining characteristic of her counseling is not just focusing on people’s relationships with one another, but also on strengthening the individual’s relationship with God.

Contact Info:

Laura Depp, MS
Licensed MFT #45131
Turning Point Counseling
Phone: (800) 998-6329
Email: Laura Depp
Website: Turning Point Counseling

by Jenny Olin, MSW

Are you a worrier? Do you worry needlessly, or for what seems like good reason? Either way, you are not alone. Lots of people describe themselves as worriers. And most of them would like to stop, but don’t think they can. Sometimes this is because they believe if they stop worrying they are disloyal or showing they don’t care. Neither is necessarily true. In fact, loyalty, care, and concern have nothing to do with worry. For example, you might be concerned about a relationship or your marriage. But it does not obligate you to worry in order to show care or have concern. Worry and care are separate experiences.

Did you know worrying is optional? It is. Really! Worriers stay worriers because they don’t know what else to do. We typically worry from our hearts, meaning biologically, from the survival and emotional parts of our brain. When we worry from these parts of our brain, we don’t “see straight”; we don’t think clearly about a situation. But what happens when you engage your rational brain? This is the part of your brain capable of reason and useful problem solving. Given the right tools, you can make decisions about your worries. You can decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to let go. You can keep all the worries you want. No one can make you give up a worry. Once you know how, what you do is get into your rational or thinking brain and take some specific behavioral steps to decide whether or not you want to keep a worry, and, if you want to be rid of it, what you can do instead. You no longer have to continue your old pattern of worry. What freedom!

The decision tree [click to view] is based on the well-written and humorous book Not To Worry by Mary McClure Goulding and Robert L. Goulding, MD. It helps you slow down and use your rational, thinking brain to walk you through an evaluation of a worry. You see if keeping a worry is worthwhile or, well, just plain silly. This decision tree gives you direction on how to be worry-free. For every worry you get rid of, you free up mental and physical energy for something better. Give it a go and see what happens. Let me know what you think: E-mail me today at Lighted Pathways.

Contact Info:

Jenny Olin, MSW
LCSW #R026827-1
480 Broadway, Suite 330
Saratoga Springs, NY 12866
Phone: (518) 587-0268
Email: Jenny Olin
Website: Lighted Pathways

Please join us in welcoming Brett R. Williams, MFT, as the new Executive Director of the Orange County Marriage Resource Center, a non-profit organization* dedicated solely to strengthening marriages and reducing the divorce rate within Orange County.

As an experienced Marriage & Family Therapist, Brett has a passion for helping couples … and unbridled enthusiasm for his new position! We know he will be a great asset to the OC.

Welcome, Brett!

Click here to email Brett.

*Many of the programs listed on their website are presented at local churches, and some are faith-based. For a detailed listing of programs, please click here.